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The Blair Scream Project Part 4

Intro
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3



DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CLEARING -- MORNING



CAPTION
Card The Next Day

Mikiah rises and goes behind a tree to relieve himself. There he finds DJ and Wendy's bodies propped up to look like they're embracing.

MIKIAH
Aaaah!

Everyone is standing around, looking unhappy.

KRISTEN
Okay, I'm calling off the project. Let's get out of here before anyone else gets killed.

JOSH
Good idea Kristen. Let's check the map.

KRISTEN
I thought you had it.

SILENCE

KATIE
Does anyone have the map?

SILENCE

BEN
(sighs)

ELLIE
Well, let's go wander aimlessly.

EXT. WOODED PATH

They walk by a break in the bushes, through which people can be seen.

ZOOM IN ON THE PEOPLE

EXT. TAPPY EAST CREEK

Two FISHERMEN are being interrogated by Mulder and Scully.

MULDER
Have you ever seen any of the following: Aliens…

FISHERMAN 1&2
Nope.

MULDER
Clones…

FISHERMAN 1&2
Nope.

MULDER
Human/Animal Hybrids…

FISHERMAN 1&2
Nope.

MULDER
Killer Tomatoes…

FISHERMAN 2
Yep.

Fisherman 1 looks at him in surprise.

MULDER
Sasquatch…

Behind the agents, an alien with very fake looking antenna steps up to the stream and begins to fish. Scully sees it, starts, and pretends that she hasn't seen it.

EXT. "CEMETERY"

Several small rock piles are scattered on the ground. The group arrives, and ignores the piles of rocks. Josh kicks one apart casually.

JOSH
Okay, I'm bored. Let's make wild accusations about the map now.

SCOTT
Okay! I ate it! Happy?

BEN
I'd say that sarcasm doesn't become you, but I'd be lying.

SCOTT
Actually, um, I'm not being sarcastic. I was really hungry, and I ate the map.

KRISTEN
Are you kidding?

Scott shakes his head in shame.

KRISTEN
Are you fucking kidding me?!

Everyone starts shoving Scott, and it soon turns into a scene reminiscent of the beating of Rodney King. In the midst of it all, Ghostface appears, joins in the beating, kills Scott, and runs off.

KRISTEN J
Oh my God! He's been stabbed to death!

MIKIAH
I don't see any knife wounds.

ELLIE
Shh!

Ben walks onto camera, still in the Ghostface costume, but without the mask, which he is hiding behind his back.

BEN
This has gone on long enough. We have to find out who the killer is.

JOSH
Well, Kristen Jann played a serial killer in Ben's directing project last year!

ALL
Yeah!

KRISTEN AND ELLIE
Huh?

Everyone starts throwing accusations at Kristen J, who has meanwhile finally noticed Ben's attire.

There is a loud crashing noise off camera. Everyone, including the camera person turns to look towards the sound. When they turn back, Kristen J is dead.

MIKIAH
Oh, guess it wasn't her.

EXT. CLEARING

Again, the group is camped out for the night.

CAPTION CARD
Again, it is night. Trust me.

The group sits in a circle.

ELLIE
It's quiet.

JOSH
Yeah.

BEN
Too, too quiet.

KRISTEN
Is it just me, or is this scene really boring?

MIKIAH
It's not just you.

KATIE
Let's just skip to the next scene.

DISSOLVE TO:

Kristen holds the camera up to her face for the sorry scene.

KRISTEN
I just want to apologize, to everybody. For everything that has happened. For, for letting them kill off Randy in Scream 2, for Party of Five, and for Wild Things. I am so, so sorry. Oh, and I'm also sorry for dragging everybody out here into the woods to get killed by a copycat killer. I'm so scared. So, very, very scared. So very, very, very, very...

EXT. CLEARING.

CAPTION CARD
The Next Day.

MIKIAH
Is anyone missing?

KRISTEN
Let's see. Ben?

BEN
Here.

KRISTEN
Katie?

KATIE
Present.

KRISTEN
Josh?

SILENCE

KRISTEN
(worried)
Josh?

SILENCE

KATIE
Jooosh!!

Josh emerges from behind a tree, zipping up his pants.

JOSH
What?

Everyone sighs with relief.

JOSH
Where'd Ellie go?

Startled, everyone looks around. Ellie is gone. Ben smacks his forehead.

BEN
Great! Just great! Thank you for including me in this project Syd, er, Kristen! Thank you so bloody much!

KRISTEN
What?! This is your parody! You're the one who wrote, conceived and cast it!

BEN
Oh, well if you're going to quibble over details. Look, we're being stalked by a serial killer, and a witch is after us!

KRISTEN
For the last time, there is no witch!

Mulder runs onto camera.

MULDER
You're wrong! There is a witch! But the government doesn't want you to know about it!

Scully arrives and begins leading Mulder off camera.

SCULLY
Let's go Mulder.

MULDER
The truth is out there! Trust no one!

Everyone looks in the direction of the retreating agents.

MIKIAH
What the hell was that?

JOSH
(distant)
Help! The witch has me! It's really scary and stuff!

KRISTEN
Oh God! Josh! We have to rush blindly into a trap!

EXT. HOUSE

The group runs up to an old, haunted looking house.

BEN
Cool!

MIKIAH
Can we stay on track here?

BEN
Right. Sorry.

They enter the house, and begin exploring the first floor.

JOSH
(distant)
Help!

BEN
Josh?! Tell me where you are Josh!

JOSH
(distant)
Follow my fucking voice!

Ben rushes off.

Mikiah goes to check the attic.

Kristen and Katie go down into the basement.

In the basement, Kristen sees Ghostface standing in the corner much like Mike in the movie.

KRISTEN
Josh?

She approaches the figure, and touches his shoulder. Ghostface turns suddenly, and chases her upstairs.

KRISTEN
Wait. Time out.

Both stop.

BEN
What?

KRISTEN
What happens next? Did you even write an ending?

BEN
Um, I figured that, um...no.

KRISTEN
Oh for Christ's sake. I've had enough. See ya.

Kristen leaves.

BEN
But, but...

INT. HOUSE

Mikiah stands in the main room on the ground floor.

MIKIAH
Where is everybody?

Ghostface suddenly attacks. Mikiah beats him up.

Mikiah shrugs and walks away.

Ben gets up, brushes himself off, and takes off the mask.

BEN
Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this parody-

KATIE
Ben wait. What about the witch?

BEN
The witch?

MIKIAH
(off camera)
Aaaaaaaa!

SILENCE

BEN
Mikiah? Mikiah are you okay?

Ben walks off camera.

BEN
Mikiah? What's...OH SHI-

SILENCE

KATIE
Ben? Mikiah?...Guys? Oh n-

The camera shakes, and then drops.

KRISTEN
(off camera)
Ben? Mikiah? Katie? Anyone?

Kristen screams in sudden terror and is cut off.

The camera keeps running for a bit, then cuts out.

CREDITS

This movie only cost 55$ dollars to make. Not counting gas.

Starring:

(In order of appearance)

Mike Hedges as Mike Williams

Kristen Impellizari as Dead Prom Queen/Heather Donahue

Ellie Mae Clifford as Cheerleader/Elly Kedward

Ben Church as Joshua Leonard/Ghostface/Caption Card Holder/Voice on the Phone

Jenn Breen as Vanna/Victim in Cemetery #1

Danielle Hoetmer

Katie Sine

Sean Hollenbach

Danielle Suter as Opening Credit Victim

John Fitz Harris

Dustin Mote

Neve Campbell as Sydney Prescott/Kristen Impellizari

Josh Placido

Kristen Jann

Nicole De Boer as Ellie Mae Clifford

John Lithgow as Casey Jones

DJ Macintosh

Sarah Michelle Gellar as Wendy Couchman

Mikiah Umbertis

Katie Oskowski

Ben Guy as Scott Schaeffer

Ben Church

Scott Ross as Fox Mulder

Meretith Toole as Dana Scully

Josh Placido as Zombie/Joshua Leonard/Colonial 2

Peter Foos as Cemetery Victim #2/Matt Foley/Announcer/Colonial 1

Casey Jones as Random Townsperson/Judge

DJ Macintosh as Colonial 3

Wendy Couchman as Reporter/Goth Chick

Mikiah Umbertis as Rustin Parr

Alicia as Mary Brown

Ben Shoenberger as Redneck 1

Tom Brown as Redneck 2

Chris Bashen as Fisherman 1

Chris as Fisherman 2

Anthony Wright as Alien

And Jerry Mathers as The Beaver

"Written" and "Directed" by Ben Church

Actual Casting by Ben Church

Imaginary Casting by Ben Church and online suggestion.

Camera operated by Ben Church, Katie Oskowski, and Ben Shoenberger

ANNOUNCER
The Terror continues in The Blair Scream Project 2!

LENA stands with KERMIT in Ben's Dorm Room with Kermit by her side, and ANIMAL on her head.

LENA
I'll find them, if it's the last thing I do.

ANNOUNCER
Twice the Terror.

Kermit is killed.

ANNOUNCER
Twice the suspense.

Lena stands silently with Kermit and Animal by her side.

ANNOUNCER
Twice the Cheap Laughs.

Pete in the Shower.

ANNOUNCER
Lena Mercado, Kermit the Frog, Animal, Courtney Cox, The Blair Scream Project 2! Rated Q, starts Friday, nowhere. And coming this summer, Dewey Riley returns in The Blair Scream Project 3!

And Now, never before seen out takes from The Blair Witch Project!

SORRY SCENE

Heather apologizes to her mom and her friend's moms...

MIKE
And your mom!

SORRY SCENE AGAIN

Heather tries again.

MIKE
They can see up your nose. That's disgusting.

Heather tries one more time. And apologizes for forgetting her lines.

INVESTIGATING THE SCARY NOISES

Hear director shout from the darkness:

DIRECTOR
Ow! I hit a tree!

While lost, they find a road.

Oops, turn around.

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