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The Blair Scream Project Part 3

Intro
Part 1
Part 2



EXT. SHOP FRONT. THE NAME OF THE SHOP IS CLEARLY VISIBLE (PRODUCT PLACEMENT)

Kristen interviews MATT FOLEY.

KRISTEN
Could you introduce yourself for the camera?

MATT FOLEY
Hello, I'm Matt Foley, and I'm a motivational speaker!

KRISTEN
Have you ever heard of the Blair Witch?

MATT
I've heard those stories all my life, and let me tell you, they don't amount to JACK! SQUAT!

KRISTEN
But many people believe that she is behind the disappearance of the missing film students.

MATT
Well la dee freakin' da! I live in a van, down by the river, and I've never seen any witch!

KRISTEN
I see. Could you relate a story of the Blair Witch for us?

MATT
Let me tell you a story about the Blair Witch. Back in Nineteen Forty Five, a hermit named Rustin Parr killed some kids, and blamed it on the witch.

INT. PRISON

CAPTION
1945

A Reporter interviews RUSTIN PARR.

CAPTION
Colorization provided by: Ted Turner

REPORTER
Mr. Parr, why did you kill those kids?

RUSTIN PARR
The voices in my head told me too.

REPORTER
You mean the Blair Witch told you to.

RUSTIN
I do?

REPORTER
Yes.

RUSTIN
Oh. Okay.

EXT. CHURCH PARKING LOT

Kristen interviews GOTH CHICK.

GOTH CHICK
Hello, I'm the only Goth in Burkittsville.

KRISTEN
Do you believe in the Blair Witch?

GOTH CHICK
Yes. Her presence casts a sinister shadow over the town. It's delightful.

KRISTEN
What can you tell me about her?

GOTH CHICK
Um, I, actually don't know anything about her. But I hear that Mary Brown, the Crazy Lady who lives on the edge of town saw her.

EXT. HOUSE

Kristen interviews MARY BROWN.

MARY BROWN
Hello, I'm Mary Brown. I have no credibility, because I'm absolutely nuts. I saw the Blair Witch kill an alien who was trying to fix it's ship.

KRISTEN
Uh, yeah. Right.

EXT. WOODED ROAD

The group has parked their cars, and are headed into the woods. Kristen hangs back to make sure her car is locked.

Her cell phone rings.

Cautiously, she answers it.

KRISTEN
Hello?

VOICE
Hello Sydney. Guess who?

The rest of the call is TBF.

EXT. WOODS

The group is walking along a path, whistling the theme from "The Bridge Over The River Kwai". Wendy is last in line.

Suddenly, Ghostface steps out from the trees, grabs Wendy, and pulls her out of sight.

The group realizes that Wendy is missing.

ELLIE
Hey, where's Wendy? She was right behind me a second ago!

JOSH
We'd better split up and go look for her.

BEN
Yes. Split up. That would be the smartest thing to do in a haunted woods.

DJ
Not to mention a horror movie.

The group splits into two groups. Group 1 consists of Ben, DJ, Katie, Kristen J., and Ellie. Group 2 consists of Kristen, Josh, Mikiah, and Scott.

Group 1 wanders aimlessly through the forest looking for Wendy.

GROUP 1
Wendy! Wendy! Where are you Wendy?

DJ
Hey! There she is!

KATIE
Where?!

DJ
No, wait. My mistake. It's just a ferret.

ELLIE
How could you-

Ben looks off into the woods.

BEN
Zoinks! Like, there's something really scary over there! Don't point the camera at it! Run for it Scoob!

Group 1 runs panicked into the woods.

DJ
Run away! Run away!

KATIE
DJ we already did a Monty Python joke!

ELLIE
Jinkees! Wait! I lost my glasses!

CUT TO:

Group 2 wanders aimlessly through the forest.

JOSH
Wendy!

SCULLY
(off camera)
Mulder!

Mulder runs across the path holding a flashlight.

MULDER
Scully!

SCULLY
Mulder!

The shouting continues until Mulder is out of earshot.

The group continues through the woods.

CUT TO:

P.O.V.

Someone stalking the group. Background music, the "Friday The 13th" Theme.

END P.O.V.

Mikiah looks off to the right.

MIKIAH
Wait, I thought I saw something.

PAN

To where he's looking. Two Rednecks stand holding twigs in front of themselves, using the twigs as cover.

MIKIAH
Hmm, never mind. Guess I was wrong.

The group continues on.

P.O.V.

The stalker gets closer and closer until...

END P.O.V.

The two rednecks jump out into the path. Background music, "Dueling Banjos".

Scott screams like a girl.

CUT TO:

CAPTION CARD
We will return to The Blair Scream Project after these messages.

CUT TO:

PAN

Across empty woods. "Blair Witch" scary music slowly fades, and "Jesus Christ Superstar" fades up.

ANNOUNCER
(~OC)
The Blair Witch Project: The Musical!

HEATHER, MIKE and JOSH (holding the camera) enter and begin singing to the tune of "Music of the Night".

ALL
What could be making those noises in the night?

More empty woods.

ANNOUNCER
Don't miss the magic, the music...

Heather holds the camera up to her face for the apology scene. And starts singing to the tune of "Memory".

HEATHER
Frightened, all alone in the moonlight!

More empty woods.

ANNOUNCER
Of the Blair Witch Musical! By Andrew Loyd Webber! Coming June 12th to the Kennedy Center! We now return you to your regularly scheduled parody. Already in progress.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLEARING -- LATER



The groups are now reunited, having shaken off their pursuers, and finding no sign of Wendy.

SCOTT
Yeah, well I wish those rednecks had caught us! I'd have kicked their asses!

MIKIAH
Is that why you screamed like a girl?

SCOTT
Shut up.

The group has set up camp, though it is clearly daylight, this is a night scene.

CAPTION CARD
It is night. Really. It is.

ELLIE
We're lost aren't we.

KRISTEN
No. We're not.

ELLIE
Yes we are.

KRISTEN
No we're not.

ELLIE
Are too.

KRISTEN
Are not!

ELLIE
Are too!

KRISTEN
Are not!

Scott steps between them, holding a notebook.

SCOTT
Well, all I know, is that this map might as well be Pharcie. I can't make heads or tails out of it.

Ellie Takes it from him and looks at it.

ELLIE
That's not the map Scott. That's the script.

SCOTT
Oh. Hand written by Ben. No wonder I can't read it.

Kristen's cell phone rings. She eyes it fearfully and refuses to answer it. So DJ does.

DJ
Hiyo, Kermit the Frog here! How may I direct your call?

VOICE
Hi Kermit. How's the Bacon Bitch?

The rest of the call is TBF.

NOISE FROM WOODS
Ni! Ni!

KATIE
What was that?

DJ
We'd better check it out!

The group splits up to investigate the noise. DJ is killed by Ghostface, but his death scene is TBF.

Everyone returns to the clearing, except for DJ.

KRISTEN J
Hey, where's DJ?

There is a moment of silence.

SCOTT
This is getting serious!

He turns to speak directly at the camera.

SCOTT
Wendy and DJ are missing, and something chased Ben and the others today. Possibly the same something, that made those noises.

MIKIAH
That was a recap for all of you who just tuned in.

SCARY NOISE
Ni!

BEN
There it goes again! I'm starting to think that maybe the Blair Witch is real!

KRISTEN
It's not a witch. It's something else. One of us here is a killer.

ALL
What?

CAPTION CARD
Plot exposition. Watch the Scream Movies.

KATIE
But which one of us is the killer?

Everyone looks suspiciously at each other.

JOSH
Is it just me, or does Mikiah look exactly like Rustin Parr?

Everyone looks suspiciously at Mikiah.

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