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The Blair Scream Project: Part 1

Intro

The Blair Scream Project

INT. FRAT HOUSE.

MIKE, dressed as Mike Williams sits behind a bar. Around him, the Alpha Psi Halloween Party is in full swing. KRISTEN dressed as a Dead Prom Queen, and ELLIE dressed as a Cheerleader sit at the bar. BEN stands nearby holding the camera.

MIKE
(laughing)
I kicked the map in the river!

KRISTEN
What?! That's not funny tell me the truth!

MIKE
I kicked the map in the river okay?!

BEN
Are you kidding?!

KRISTEN
Are you fucking kidding me?!

MIKE
We're all gonna die out here!

KRISTEN
We're not gonna die!

MIKE
We're all gonna die out here!

KRISTEN
We're not gonna die! We're gonna find our way out!

MIKE
Oh shut up you little Slut! You're the one who got us into this!

EXT. DORM

Ben Church, wearing a hockey mask stands behind a cue card. JENN smiles brightly and shows off the card.

CARD
After surviving her second bloodbath, Sydney Prescott transferred to Shenandoah University and Changed her name to Kristen Impellizari.

INT. REHEARSAL ROOM

DANIELLE and KATIE stand before the camera. Katie holds a book.

KATIE
Well, according to these books she lives out in the woods somewhere, and apparently we're going to where she's supposed to be.

DANIELLE
Yeah, I'm terrified to tell the truth, I mean, they're all taking me, and I'm frightened.

KATIE
Yeah but nothing's going to happen, I mean, we're all going to be together. I think we'll be fine.

DANIELLE
But you never know what can happen.

KATIE
(ominous)
...That's true.

EXT. DORM

Ben kneels behind a cue card, holding it over the lower part of his face, so just his eyes are visible. Jenn, wearing the hockey mask shows off the cue card.

CARD
In 1999, the town of Burkittsville was invaded by a stream of amateur film makers, filming parodies of the Blair Witch Project.

EXT. DIRT ROAD

SEAN stands facing the camera. Ben holds the camera.

BEN
So Sean, have you ever heard of the Blair Witch?

Sean begins to break down into shocked tears.

BEN
Sean?

SEAN
(calmly)
No.

EXT. DORM

Jenn stands, holding the cue card. Ben, wearing the hockey mask, shows off the card.

CARD
This is the Story of One Such Group.

DANIELLE walks onto frame and reads the card.

DANIELLE
What the fuck?

Ben snaps, and chases her off.

EXT. DIRT ROAD

JOHN, holding a flask, and DUSTIN stand side by side, facing the camera.

FITZ
Dustin and I actually had an encounter with the Blair Witch actually.

DUSTIN
Yeah it was right over that way, just in the tree line.

FITZ
We were out here one night. Just talking.

DUSTIN
Yeah, just talking. And we heard this noise from that grove of trees over there. It was sort of a pop...

FITZ
Yeah, sort of a yodeling pop. Like a "YOH!"

DUSTIN
We didn't know what the noise could be. So I sent Fitz in.

FITZ
I was scared to death. But I had Dustin by my side. As a friend.

DUSTIN
So we found a clearing with these three little baggies.

FITZ
Yeah, disgusting like little ziplock baggies.

DUSTIN
We didn't look in them.

FITZ
Yeah, we knew it was like, fingers or something.

DUSTIN
And there was a blanket in the middle. Which we didn't use. I don't know what the blanket meant but...

FITZ
So we hung out there for a while-

DUSTIN
Just talking.

FITZ
Yeah totally just talking. We do that all the time, we come out here, you know, away from the public eye...

DUSTIN
And Talk. And then the noise came again and...well...

FITZ
We knew it was her though. We knew it.

EXT. DORM

The Title Card rests against an electrical box.

INT. STUDENT CENTER

KRISTEN
Hi, I'm Kristen Impellizari- Shut up! As I said, I'm Kristen Impellizari

JOSH PLACIDO
(off camera)
She smokes crack.

KRISTEN JANN
(off camera)
Lots and lots of crack.

KRISTEN
And the number should be flashing under me if you you're lonely some night, and need a date- oh wait, that's the other thing I filmed. Anyway, I'm going off to film a parody of the Blair Witch Project with Ben. And it should be fun. And I hate you.

EXT. DORM -- DAY

ELLIE
Hi, I'm Ellie Clifford, and I'm here primarily to look pretty and keep the men folk happy!

INT. STUDENT CENTER

CASEY JONES
Hi, I'm Casey Jones,

DJ MACINTOSH
I'm DJ Macintosh,

WENDY COUCHMAN
And I'm Wendy Couchman.

CASEY
We're here to provide a higher body count to Ben's...Scream...Witch...Project.

WENDY
And I get to show off some of my cool goth clothes, and my reporter skills.

DJ
And I get to embrace Wendy.

WENDY
What?

INT. STUDENT CENTER

MIKIAH UMBERTIS
Hi, I'm Mikiah Umbertis. In this film I'm the guy who thinks he can beat the bad guy, but obviously I can't.

INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR

JOSH
Hi I'm Josh Placido, and in this film I'm in charge of all Zombies, all fake falling, and, I'm in charge of myself mostly.

INT. STUDENT CENTER

KRISTEN J.
Hi I'm Kristen Jann, and there's chocolate on my teeth right now, but I don't care. And in this film I just act crazy.

INT. BEN'S DORM ROOM

SCOTT SCHAEFFER
Hi, I'm Scott Schafer, and in this film, I'm basically in charge of the blood work. I decide whether the blood that comes out is A or B positive or negative, it's a complicated process, but somebodie's gotta do it.

INT. STUDENT CENTER

BEN
Hi I'm Ben Church, and you're watching Comedy Central.

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